When you're gone
by Amelcia
Summary: Russia tries to get Latvia to be dependent again


I've finally written a RusLat fanfic! ^o^ Um, yeah, I liked this pairing, got interested in Russian and Latvian culture, history (even language)... But that wasn't really what prompted me to write it. I found an article (about Russian language still used in Latvian mass media ) and when I read it, I realized that RusLat didn't finish with the end of USSR, but still exists, even though it seems to be impossible and no one thinks about it, because there's no war after all.

That's why the story is not about the time of USSR or- more generally- about the past, but about the present. Well then, enjoy C:

Independence. What a wonderful state. Nobody can make you do anything. You can do whatever you want. And, what is characteristic, you start to appreciate it only when you've lost it. And when you finally get it, you may be unable to take care of yourself. You can be very responsible as well. Your country can be small, but stable. And you are free. Completely free.

Latvia knew something about it. He'd never been fully independent. Had had to meet people's expectations and humour them, but he had never been able to have anything that could fully belong to him. He wasn't even allowed to. Was too weak and afraid to defy and those on whom he had depended knew it. He wouldn't have acheved independence but for external help either.

And finally, after ages of dependence, he became free. He finally could live and do any activities on his own. It had been such a long time… In fact, it was the first time Latvia could say he was independent and no one could invade him. It was such a strange feeling. He used to go over the top to obey any commands. Had he had any other way to go?

Having been invaded by Catholic knights who had made him become Catholic as well, Sweden who had almost destroyed him, Germany who wanted to control another weak country, and finally by Russia whose cruelty he could never forget, taught Latvia that everyone who is strong and kind may have a hidden interest in it and disobedience is hazardous.

And suddenly, he had become the one who could be like the countries who had hurt him. However, he didn't want to as he believed it was aimless. He tried to be friendly to everyone and that was enough. He became friends with almost everyone. Could enjoy his independence. And realized he didn't have anything but his independence, in fact. Of course he had many Latvian traditions, language or poetry, but he had a vacuum in his life as well. All these Latvian things weren't enough. He would have had to celebrate the events, take care of everything he had.

And he didn't. He wasn't supposed to. He had been told to care about other countries, so he did. He wasn't even thinking about the sense of it. Believed he'd done right, that what he'd done was good for him as well. And then, he realised it wasn't the best thing to him, but it was too late to change anything.

Even now, years after acheving independence, Latvia thought about it. It had become one of the things he used to think about. He didn't even know why, it was just something that intrigued him. That and Russia. Why had he taken it out on Raivis, and after that said he liked him? Maybe he did. Maybe. Latvia couldn't be sure about anything about him.

For example, he couldn't be sure he'd visit him someday. And that day, he did. The doorbell almost woke Raivis up, it was quite early in the morning and last night he had been reading another poetry book.

Still yawning, Latvia strolled to the door, muttering "coming". Who could that be? At such time…

- Hello, Raivis- he heard when he was opening the door. When he did it, he saw very tall and a bit overweight person. His long scarf flapped in the wind. Raivis didn't know why, but he started to tremble. The guest noticed it- What happened? Are you cold?- one thing about that question surprised Latvia: the question, asked in such a gentle voice. It didn't really fit the guest

- N-No, it's all right- responsed Latvia. He didn't want to bother anyone. But why had he started to act like a subordinate?- Come in… Please- he added quickly. That's right, he still felt so much respect for the guest. Raivis even stood clear of the doors so the guest could come in. So did he

- Raivis, it's been a while!- Raivis suddenly felt a hand patting his head

- Um, mi-... Russia, please, stop- he whispered. Was too frightened to do anything, so he kept waiting. Russia stopped patting him surprisingly quickly

- Ok, Raivis. Better now?- he asked, his caring tone immediately filled the air. Indeed, it felt strange. Russia'd never behaved in such a gentle way. As if somebody had brainwashed him.  
Latvia nodded, trying to get a grip on himself. He was still afraid, even though he struggled not to show it. Finally, he drew a deep breath

- Yes. But why have you gone all the way just to visit me? Besides, it's so early…- Raivis couldn't stop himself and yawned- Um, sorry. I'm sleepy

- Have you had a bad night?- asked Ivan, almost ingoring Latvia's question. He waited for a question, but he realised Raivis was waiting, too- Oh, that's right, you've asked me a question as well. I just wanted to see you- he grinned so frankly Latvia smiled as well. He'd never seen happy Russia.  
"Just like in that poem" passed through Raivis's mind. He recalled the poem he had read last night. It was about people who split up, but one of them still loved the girl. And he was waiting, hoping to meet her somewhere else, maybe in another time. He had really wanted to read the ending, but he fell asleep.  
_We'll surely meet, in another time and place…_  
And then, he heard a doorbell that woke him up

- Not really. I stayed up late because I was reading a lovely poem. That's all.  
Russia chuckled, stroking Latvia's hair

- What could I expect from you? You're still reading all that poetry and romance books- he was really amused. Everything could change, but Latvia wouldn't stop reading. If it happened, he thought, the world would end

- Is it wrong?- asked hesitated Latvia

- No, of course not- now Russia was the surprised one. It sounded so Latvian, all Raivis's hesitation and uncertainty- But I think you should do something profitable. You won't maintain your country if you just read

- But I do maintain it!- objected Raivis, surprised where he took his self-confidence from. Well, he just didn't like situations when anybody was accusing him of idleness

- When?

- Everyday

- Oh, really? I don't think so- Ivan was just flippant. His attitude pissed Raivis off, but he felt he couldn't defy. He could still remember the consequences of it.  
_I can still remember all those years we were together,  
Now they seem to be just a while,_  
_That ephemeric flower…_

- But I really do. Why don't you want to believe me?- whined Raivis, wondering if Russia had come just to argue with him

- Hmm, lest's see…- muttered Russia, looking around Raivis's home. He couldn't see any mantelpieces, but he could feel warmth- Because you still can't take care of yourself?- finally he asked, patting Latvia's head again, watching Latvia tremble with fear again. He didn't know why, but he'd always enjoyed it

- I can- cried Raivis, glancing at Russia- Um, have you come just to humiliate me again?- he asked shyly

- No, I've already told you. I've come to see you

- Ok, so how about tea or something to eat?- Raivis hated when Russia made him feel intimidated. He felt he'd do anything just not to think about being intimidated- Once you've come, you must have something… I think

- Ok!- Ivan enthused about Latvia's idea- So bring me some tea and cookies, da?  
Raivis nodded

- Ok, but… Could you take your hand off my head? If you do, I'll bring you anything faster

- Oh, yes, yeah- Ivan immediately did what he was asked for. Latvia dashed to the kitchen to make some tea. He'd never expect he'd find serving better than ordinary talks with Russia. Wait a minute, serving? He wasn't dependent anymore, so why did he consider it serving? However, Russia was the one which whom an ordinary talk was impossible.  
_…now it's gone as well.  
A slave of my own dreams- this is what I've become…  
_After few minutes Latvia came back, holding tea and cookies. He put it on the table, and then he saw Russia reading a book. He couldn't see the title, but he knew what it was. He knew every single book he had. Raivis tried not to show surprise and sat next to Ivan

- I didn't know you liked romance books- he said as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world. However, there was something wrong about it. Russia had never read anything and used to sneer at romance books and poetry. Then, why did he start to enjoy it? Was he pretending or he'd really changed?

- You don't know many things about me- responded Ivan- I thought this book might be interesting, so I've started to read it

- And, how do you like it?

- It seems to be lovely, especially Daina. She's so boyish, not like a typical protagonist

- Isn't she?- laughed Latvia, taking a cookie. He literally forgot about what he had thought a moment ago. He was happy and carefree when he was doing what he liked.  
He looked so happy, just as if he didn't have a care in the world. Russia didn't say anything. He just grinned, stroking Latvia's hair

- That's right, Latvia. You will surely return to my house and tell me more about your favourite novels, da?- he said it in a way Latvia could clearly hear everything but "return to my house", so he automatically answered:

- Of course.  
Russia just smirked

- Well then, pack your things. Hurry  
Latvia glared at him, couldn't understand what he was talking about. All he could understand was that something unpleasant was going to happen

- What?

- Pack your things. You're going to live in my house- said Russia, his increasing anger was expressed very clearly.  
Latvia couldn't even decline. He wasn't able to, even though he was independent… Wait a minute, independent, right?

- Um, Russia, but I don't want to. I'd rather live here- refused as politely as possible

- You must because I'm telling you so- Ivan bellowed, likely to kol. He didn't even need to say more

- I-if I r-really have t-to, th-th-then I h-have n-no ch-choice- stuttered Latvia, his watery eyes looking in Ivan's eyes, like trying to make him said it was a joke.  
But it wasn't a joke

- You still doubt it? You're going to my place. Now

- Yes, sir…  
_But what was so strange, even though ordinary,  
I've come to what I've been running away from… _


End file.
